HALFWAY there...Be INSPIRED

Do you sometimes feel that your sense of creativity has abandoned you? Maybe feeling a little stuck and not able to get much out of you? Finding it difficult to get inspired?

This is more or less how I’ve been feeling for quite a while. Out of creativity. Out of ideas. Out of imagination. Out of inspiration. (Which explains the lack of posts lately). OK well I wouldn’t say totally out of ideas. It’s more like blurred or vague ideas that I couldn’t get my mind to really develop.

And I hate that feeling. I hate feeling stuck. Because usually, I’m the kind of person that gets inspired easily, and thoughts and ideas come flowing right at me. So standing in front of a blank paper and not being able to fill it really drives me crazy.  Or as the thoughts come to me it's like I go into a "brain freeze"...what now?

But then the other day, while I was having coffee with my friend in one of my favorite coffee shops, I saw this:

: “When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it”. Wow.

It’s funny how we always wait for inspiration to hit us, to strike us, and to take us by storm. How we sometimes think that it is inspiration’s job to come to us, and our job to wait for it. Feeling uninspired is something very normal, and we all feel not very creative at some point and run short of ideas. But in life, we gotta work for everything and we gotta realize that waiting gets us nowhere. Even when it comes to finding inspiration. Seeing this quote made me realize that it’s also on us. We gotta give inspiration a hand, a chance to find us.

And so I decided that this is exactly what I’m gonna be doing from now on: Meeting inspiration half way. Whenever I feel that I am running out of inspiration, of creativity, I will go and meet inspiration and creativity halfway. And when I find inspiration, I will not stop there either. Because, like I once wrote in one of my very first post somewhere: “it’s not what inspires us that really matters, it’s what we do when we’re inspired“.

May you and I both take a leaf from our own thoughts.

Be inspired........

2014...the start

2014......the start

because I am doing something new! Now you will grow like a new plant. Surely you know this is true. I will even make a road in the desert, and rivers will flow through that dry land. (Isaiah 43:19 ERV)
THIS IS THE YEAR YOU WILL GROW LIKE A NEW PLANT!

I had purposefully held back from blogging further, till the beginning of 2014.  Some reasons are due to changes that took place in my life, trying to adjust and adapt to not having "helpers" living with me, trying hard to cope with doing things on my own (and failing emotionally), having to face the change of being employed and on the go (yet going know where emotionally and mentally) to now being on disability pension, so can we just say i'm retired?

On the other hand, its been a spiritual journey, I have learnt to sit back, trust and believe.  My life is in the hands of an Almighty God and He has shown His ways to me in many exciting ways recently, I have experienced Victory spiritually and emotionally,I have experienced peace, peace of mind, peace of soul, I have experienced confirmation to Gods promises for my life,  I have seen God's miraculous Hand in many things in my life these past 4 months, and I can truthfully say...like that song so many years ago, I dont even know who sang it, ...

Put your hand in the hand

Of the man who stilled the water

Put your hand in the hand

Of the man who calmed the sea

Take a look at yourself and

A you can look at others differently

By puttin' your hand in the hand

Of the man from-a Galilee

God has promised, that 2014 is the start to a brand new life for me, he is the Captain of my Cruiseliner, I just have to trust in Him.  

Although I have essential tremors, and am now no longer a working girl, I believe that God has a plan with my life, and as a Life Coach, I am going to seriously apply my mind to assist people, young and oldish, to face there health challenges.   No matter what comes our way, there is always a brighter tomorrow, we just need to allow it, open up to it....and let God do the rest.


Blessings .....

http://vivhamman.wix.com/vivienne-hamman

Shaking.....and shaking some more, those horrid hand tremors!

Have you ever seen someone with tremors (shakes) in their hands, head, tongue or legs for that matter?
I am sure you have even thought..."Shame, how embarrassing!"  or  "Shame, I hope that never happens to me!"

a spiral drawn by a person with hand tremors like me

Well, yes to the person with the tremors, yes its embarrassing at times even humiliating and it even affects their self confidence which eventually causes depression and even a withdrawal to their social lives.

For the past 36 years I have been plagued with tremors in the hands, often jokingly responding to people by stating I have withdrawals from not having my tot for the day, but still it has made me very self concious.  As time has progressed, so has the tremors.  Going from doctor to doctor to find out cause and treatment has been to know avail, a million diagnosis has been made, lots of money spent on tests, scans, mri's etc.

My experiences are:
When I lay down, I shake, my bed shakes;
I cant hold a cup of coffee it shakes all over;
I eat with a spoon or the food shakes all over the place;
I drink with a straw in my cup of coffee if I go for coffee somewhere;
I order toasts or wraps so that I can use my hands, utensils are out;
I can no longer do my arts and crafts, i shake too much;
When I read I need to place to book or kindle on a hard surface and still my body quivers;
I cannot pour water from a kettle, or pot;
I try to do tapestry, but I shiver so much before the needle enters the area;
My water consumption is from a bottle not a glass;
I cannot fasten my tops with buttons, I now wear pull on pull off items.
I struggle to fasten my bra;  (no im not going without my wonderbra)
I cannot write or sign my signature, my son has power of attorney;
My hair is now cut short, I cannot blow dry my hair.
I monitor my tremors with a lift pulse downloaded from essentialtremor.org/
and the list can go on and on.........

Over the past 6 years I have really declined in health, diagnosed with fibromyalgia, heart flutters, atrial fibrillation, nerve pinching, you name it its being diagnosed, even thyroid. 
I even did self diagnosis and research on MS, CFS etc out of desperation.  Things got so bad in 2012 that I thought I would never see December 2012 and got my will and papers finalised.

Finally in July 2012 I was referred to a Neurologist. He immediately ruled out Parkinsons and Wilson's Disease and told me what I have is Severe Essential Tremors,(www.essentialtremor.org read more about it here)  

Again, lots of tests were done, medical costs spiralling and medical aid exhausted, medication called Lyrica 125mg tried out (not covered by med aid), which had a strange effect, I felt I was on a high (like helium in a balloon is how my head felt) like someone with ADHD but the negative was that I never thought rationally, I was forgetful  short term memory problems and would make silly decisions, driving was a problem as I would blank out mentally while driving and when reaching my destination couldnt remember what happened between point a to point b.  Then, on a day in July 2013 I slipped, breaking my leg in 3 places and displacing my ankle, and its still not 100% healed.  My leg just gave way under me, apparently due to tremors.

During  this period I underwent more tests, medication changed to Myocilin 125mg and Occupational Assessment done to assess my ability to work, where finally the Neurologist has declared me unfit for work and placed me on permanent disablement.  Then, the depression decided to find place in my life.  Again anxiety/depression medication has been adjusted to double dosage as I just felt I have no purpose to life any longer.  

Not being able to sign ones signature or the ability to write has left me in a really poor mental state, it felt like a part of me has died.  I'm mourning this part of me, i'm mourning the part where I cannot make a cup of coffee or even cook, i'm mourning that my independence has been ripped from me.  All that works easy is my mouth and at times a sharp tongue(I say this honestly but with sadness and regret to those close to me I hurt). And now, I am now, If the word is correct, totally bereft of my life, and i'm only 52.

But all is not lost.

Despite my very dark days recently and still at times now, I have stilled grasped and held very firmly the hand of my Heavenly Father and have fought my soul fight together with Him.  Psalm 62 says it....Our Hope is in YOU Lord, my Soul finds rest in you Lord.

In reflecting on my life forward I know I need to :

• Accept my chronic disease
• Redifine my life...where to from here in Now, 6 months, 12 months time
• Focus on the passion that has been driving me in my soul for the past 2 years and that being Coaching people with disabilities (is this why I have to walk this walk? To understand?
• Enforcing and reinforcing the myths and facts about people with and facing disabilities.
• Securing my own home to be more disability user friendly, eg bath out shower in
• Most importantly keep my life firmly grounded with knowledge that God is my Jehovah Jireh, the Light to my life
• Very importantly to still nurture, love, guide, support my son emotionally and spiritually
• Start a new life, leaving the old behind and starting afresh.

Nothing in life can ever brace us for these unexpected turn of events in our lives. 
Today we are still planning the next 13 years to retirement, planning our 60th birthday celebration, saving to want to go on holiday, and suddenly in the blink of an eye its a case of....helloooo..."Change of Plan".  

How aware I have become that life is lived now, here, this moment...hoping to fill it with Joy, Happiness, Laughter and the ability to cry without blaming or reproach.

May I encourage you...next time you see a person with the shakes/tremors, dont laugh, dont joke and call them names eg uncle / aunty shake shake as colleagues have done to me, rather show some empathy- showing understanding and caring of how they might be feeling.  
You never know when you could find yourself in such an unfortunate situation.

If you too are facing some form of chronic disease/disability...please be encouraged by this thought...God is ALWAYS in control, He is the Captain of our ship, He will never let us become stranded..He directs our path.  Psalm 37:24 says  that though we stumble and fall, we will not be bruised/hurt/overwhelmed because He holds our hand.

I trust that thru this blog, you will understand and support people facing these

challenges in life.  We no different, we have feelings and emotions too...just love us for who we are on the inside.

Greetings and blessings to you!